China Women VS American Women: 5 Pounds Overweight

Consider the differences between a Chinese Wife who is about 5 pounds over her perfect weight and an American Wife in the same circumstances.

 

(Professional disclaimer: The following could apply equally to Canadian, Australian and British women as well as several other nationalities, but theYanks introduced the concept of women’s lib as well as the contradictory notion of unrealistic beauty standards, so they can presumably take the heat.) 

 

 

 

It’s pretty clear from the confused look on her face that she can’t tell whether to feel completely disgraced or incredibly happy, because either:

 

She’s packed on that extra 5 pounds because since meeting you she’s been chowing down on Big Macks and KFC since, like most Gui Laos, you won’t eat healthy Chinese food, or

 

She's pregnant. 

 

 

The look on her face says it all, she’s dropped 45 pounds and she hasn’t felt this good for years, probably since shortly after marrying you.  How did this happen?  Well either:

 

The $3,000 and 8 months she’s invested in Weight Watchers is finally paying off, or

 

She’s taken to bopping the boss at work everyday for the last 6 months and the exercise has really trimmed her down, or

 

She’s grown tired of being totally ignored by you and is actively searching for your replacement so she’s secretly working out at the gym everyday, or

 

All of the above.

 

 

 

She has been following you around the last few weeks chowing down on Big Macks and KFC because like most Gui Laos, you won’t eat healthy Chinese food, or

 

She's pregnant, or

 

You have no thoughts about this because you haven’t noticed her minor weight gain since she still looks so incredibly good compared to your ex American wife who was 50 pounds overweight.

 

 

The $3,000 and 8 months she’s invested in Weight Watchers is finally paying off, and

 

She wants you so she’s working out and has dropped 45 pounds in the hope you will start having sex with her again, or

 

You’re too busy watching the playoffs to have noticed.

 

 

 

Due to the tremendous loss of face from being so fat she refuses to be seen in public or to be naked in front of you, and sex is out of the question, and

 

Due to the tremendous loss of face from being so fat she goes on a lengthy tirade about what a bad provider you are, what a poor businessman you are, what a bad dresser you are, and why don’t you have a new car anyway?, or

 

Due to the tremendous gain in face from being pregnant she goes on a lengthy phone calling spree to all 12,498 members of her immediate family to announce the news, which costs you a months salary, and

 

Due to the tremendous gain in face from being pregnant she is horny all the time and you get more action in one week than you’ve had during any previous week of your life.

 

 

Due to the tremendous gain in self-esteem from being so trim and slim she goes on a clothes buying spree that costs you 3 months salary, and

 

Due to the tremendous gain in self-esteem from being so trim and slim she starts going out every night to nightclubs and bars in order to find your (and the boss’s) replacement, and

 

Due to the tremendous gain in self-esteem from being so trim and slim she is horny all the time and her boss gets more action in one week than he’s had during any previous week of his life, and the new guy she met Saturday night is pretty happy too, and

 

Due to the tremendous gain in self-esteem from being so trim and slim she retains a prominent divorce attorney in order to shed some more unwanted extra weight (you)!

 

 

 

You take her shopping and buy her some nice gifts, and

 

You apologize sincerely for all your faults (except for not having a car because no one in their right mind would drive in China anyway) and soon you are having great make-up sex, or

 

Due to the tremendous gain in face from your wife being pregnant you brag to all your Gui Lao friends about your manhood, happy in the knowledge that you have 12,498 ready made babysitters on hand to free up your evenings for many years to come, and

 

Due to the tremendous gain in face from having sex so often in one week you brag to all your (increasingly bored) Gui Lao friends about your manhood and buy your wife more gifts.

 

 

You buy yourself that new widescreen HDTV you’ve been craving with the money you were saving for her birthday present, and

 

You take advantage of your welcome free evenings alone by joining ChinaLoveMatch.net and spending some real quality time meeting and chatting with  exciting and beautiful Chinese women, and

 

You have better sex alone fantasizing about your new Chinese “friends” than you ever had with her, and

 

Upon receipt of notice of the divorce proceedings, after considering the cost of hiring your own attorney, you opt instead to book a one way flight to China to visit your new found Chinese female friends in person.

 

 

 

She stops following you to MacDonalds and KFC, drops the 5 pounds in a week, and life goes on as happily as before, or

 

She has a beautiful mixed baby, everyone raves about how special he/she is, and due to the tremendous gain in face for both of you life goes on even more happily than before.

 

 

She becomes very angry to discover that divorcing you was not received by you as a punishment but as a welcome gift, and

 

She tells everyone what a bad man you are and what bad women Chinese girls are, and

 

She gets dumped by the new boyfriend when he sees how happy you are and joins ChinaLoveMatch.net himself, so

 

She marries her boss to spite you and quickly regains the extra 50 pounds she was carrying during your marriage to her, and

 

You settle in with your new Chinese wife (either in America or in China) and suddenly life is good!

 

 

Photo found at melandjodie.deviantart.com