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A Letter From a Great Chinese Lady (Part 1) by Member Juddyvs

Today we have something wonderful and unique to give you. CLM member "Juddyvs" has written to us and provided a beautiful and detailed description of her experiences online dating and her meeting with the man who is now her fiancee.  Here is her story, which we are publishing in 2 parts due to the length. We have translated her writing to English, but we have maintained the meaning and spirit as closely as possible. For our Chinese readers we are also publishing her exact Chinese writing in an additional 2 part article.

This is the first article we've published from a Chinese woman and it is a wonderful look into her struggles, her thoughts and her strength. There is a lot for us Western men to learn from this wonderful article.  Here then are the words of Juddyvs:

"Yesterday I received a bouquet of red roses from someone in the Netherlands, because it was my birthday.

When the courier knocked on my house door and I answered, he handed me a fresh bunch of beautiful red roses, still with crystal water droplets; I almost did not believe this could be true. The red roses have passion like fire, and in the middle of the flowers there is a Heart-shaped card on which is written lovely words of blessing. During my last 10 years of single life this is the first time I received flowers, and it is most special because these flowers were sent by my fiancee from far way Netherlands.

On October 29th, 2009, Peter and I have will have met for a year. During this year, Peter has already come to China twice; I went to the Netherlands once. During Peter’s second visit to China we  tentatively agreed to have our wedding in the summer of 2010. It all seems so beautiful and natural, but as a divorced woman in China, only I can understand and recall how many complex experiences and hard feelings I have been through in the last ten years.

In current Chinese society, divorce is becoming a quite normal thing, and it is not as shameful for Chinese women as before. But because Chinese people had thousands of years of deep feudal traditional Confucianism culture, divorced women are still in a very embarrassing situation, especially divorced woman in my age group. Although divorce is getting to be more common in China, many Chinese people still think divorced women are like second hand clothes, and even though some have barely been worn second hand clothes have to sell for a very cheap price. If you are a divorced woman with a child, you are merely a disposable product, unsalable. Maybe this is why I was divorced ten years but still single. Although I am a divorced woman, second hand clothing, but I consider I myself still to be pretty good quality top brand second hand clothing. It is such a pity; no Chinese man could see my value, and that is way I came to ChinaLoveMatch to try to find my other half. And now I found my true love, my fiancee, in here; to me it is a big Surprise.

I look good, have a good job and education, and have a very good family background. Divorced but with no children, so I was saved from a lot of trouble during the divorce. After my divorce, my life included many hard times, but actually it was not so bad for me as for some others, especially htose with children. I was divorced in 1999, and for the first few years I couldn’t get over the sadness and recover myself. The failed marriage’s shadow was always with me, and I could not face my family and friends and all the things around me. I had to leave my work for a 2 year’s leave to recover myself. 10 years ago, a divorced woman was in more shameful and frustrating situation.

Several years later, I tried to find a new life partner. But my living environment was too isolated, and I had no chance to meet single men around me, having only a few male colleagues who were married. I tried to meet a few man through people’s introductions, but had no luck, and by that time I had almost completely lost confidence.

Some men I was meeting who might have been interested were  20 years old than me. They had successful careers, but I was barely older than their children, so in Chinese tradition I would have adults my own age calling me “Mother”? It seemed almost embarrassing and uncomfortable for me. This was far  from my dream to have a warm and enjoyable family, sharing new children or young children with my husband.

Or the men 40 or so, older than me but nearer my age, were only interested in such old second hand clothing because they were still in unstable "bachelor" lives, their own lives such a mess, and had no future and no goal. Together with these people my life would feel very insecure and uncertain.

And then, a man who had very young children, still in kindergarten, was eagerly looking for a woman to help him share the burden of child care. I could see from his eyes that he needed marriage so badly, and hoped overnight to get married; he only wanted a woman to take care of his children. As for love, it was unimportant. I can even imagine how my next 20 years would have been with him, and it scares me to think about it.

Of course, there are many Chinese men who have successful careers, who face the future full of confidence; in China we call them ” Noble Bachelor” or "diamond bachelor". These men don’t care whether they, themselves, are perfect or not, but they are definitely looking for and expecting a perfect woman, and they are very picky and demanding. Of course, I am certainly not that perfect woman.

There is a very popular Chinese TV series called ”Really, Really Want to Find a Lover”?  Although this series has some artistic exaggeration, it seems I can find my own shadow from the four main female rolls in the series. I believe many city singles and divorced women, if they watch it, can also find their own shadows in this series. The story though is always just a story, the four women’s perfect happy endings didn’t come to me in China.

But I believed God created me, so he must have created my other half somewhere in this world, we just hadn’t found each other. So I let myself calm down, and told myself I have to be patient, and to continue to seek and wait."

From: Original         Author: Member Juddyvs         Time: 10/30/2009 3:37:36 PM

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