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Are Chinese Women Disliked or Hated by Western Women? by Juju

Some time ago I was told by my ex-boyfriend that many Caucasian ladies in his country (in Europe) dislike Chinese women as they think Chinese ladies steal their men from them. To support the claim, another divorced friend from South Africa once told me that his ex-wife hated Chinese, or Asian, ladies. I didn’t probe further for the reasons at the time, but maybe there is no need to do so. I would like to clarify though that, as far as I know, this divorced friend was, and still is, not attached to any Asian lady.

So are we really disliked or hated by Caucasian women? I guess this may be a difficult question to answer. Caucasian women are not a homogeneous group just like Chinese women. Every individual Chinese may have different experience, thus coming to their own conclusions. During the years I have been living and working overseas, I certainly come across different types of Caucasian women of various nationalities with varying attitude towards Chinese women. I have developed friendship with some of them, some are married and the others not. Although I can’t and shouldn’t generalise, my simple observation is that most of these ladies are well-travelled and well-educated. I think these are some of the indications of a person with open mind to accept new things, ideas and people from different culture.

Is this how Western women feel about Chinese and Asian women?Apart from the above group of women who are genuinely friendly towards Chinese women, most other Caucasian women may not have any particularly feelings towards Chinese women than any other races. Then, there are a third group of Caucasian women with whom I certainly have some negative experiences. Putting aside the very unfriendly glares received every now and then from some local ladies passing by on the street due to various reasons. I have learned to ignore these as they are mainly thought as ‘losers’. Just let me give another example of the not-so-pleasant experience. One Sunday evening, my friend and I pulled up our car on the side of a suburb road as it broke down, waiting for her husband to come and fix it. A gentleman drove by and stopped to ask if we needed any help, we thanked him and said that we were fine. He was there for no longer than a minute or so. Then another car came by, driven by a Caucasian lady, and she was horning loudly. I was pretty sure the reason for her behaviour has nothing to do with her way being blocked. It is a side road without any traffic at that time of a Sunday evening and she could easily pass by without horning. The only plausible reason I could think of is that she was not happy because a Caucasian man was trying to help some Asian ladies.

Getting back to my question, I think there are some Caucasian women who dislike Chinese women. But why are we disliked or hated by them? Even if it is true that we ‘steal’ their men, I would think that the proportion of Caucasian men who fancy Chinese girls is still relatively small thus the perceived ‘threat’ to the western women is only minimum to the society. It is a bit like the debate on the topic why immigrants are disliked by some local people, who think that they are pushed out of the job market because either the immigrants have the skills required for a job or are willing to take up a job for lower wages. The assumption made for this view is that the overall job demand remains constant, which is not always valid (I don’t want to go further and divert my topic).

The important question here for the male members of CLM is: will a man settle for his fellow/country women if he fails to find a suitable Chinese lady? Another very interesting and somehow related observation is that there is a far bigger proportion of relationships between western men and Chinese ladies than relationships between western women and Chinese men. I wonder why it is so. Do most western women and Chinese men simply find the other part unattractive? Or are there other more complex reasons? A friend has recently shed some light on this by saying that Chinese men may be on average small in body size, especially giving his Dutch background, which disadvantages them compared to their western counterparts. Although valid, this is only true based on the average and even his ego is, from time to time, crashed quite often by sighting some Chinese men who are taller or bigger in body size than he is. It is said that a fellow freezes one feet in ice and the other in boiling water is considered comfortable ─ on average!
 
西方女人不喜欢中国女人吗?

记得我的前男友曾经对我说过他们国家(一个欧洲国家)的女人不喜欢中国女人,因为他们认为中国女人夺走了他们的男人。我的一个离婚的南非朋友也曾经告诉我他的前妻说过她恨中国女人,或者说亚洲女人。当时我没有追究原因,也许根本没有必要去追究。但是有一点我必须声明,据我所知,这位南非朋友那时和现在从没有和任何亚洲女人有过瓜葛。
西方女人真的不喜欢中国女人吗?这个问题可能很难回答。就像中国女人,这个世界上有各种各样的西方女人。何况每个中国女人的经历也各有不同,所以每个人的答案也会不同。就我自己多年在外工作和生活的经历,我遇见过来自世界各地的西方女人,他们对中国女人的态度也千差万异。我和一些西方女人成为朋友,不管他们结婚与否。虽然很难来概括我的这些女朋友的特征,但是有一点共同点是她们都曾经遍游世界各地,同时也都受过良好的教育。我自己认为这是一个心胸开阔,乐于接受新观点,新事`物,和不同文化背景的人的基本特征。
除外这类对中国文化有真正兴趣的西方女人,更多的人可能根本就不关心你是哪国人,她们既不讨厌也不喜欢你。第三类西方女人是我有过不友好经历的一类。走在大街上,我时不时会受到来自某些西方女人非常不友好的目光注视,原因各种各样。我早已学会了忽视这类目光,因为这类人通常被认为是“失败者”。另一个例子是在某个星期天的傍晚,因为车除了故障,我和一个女朋友将车泊在某个郊区的路边,等着女朋友的丈夫赶来解决问题。这时一位绅士驾车经过,停下车问我们是否需要帮忙。我们很客气和友好的感谢他,说已经有人来帮我们了。这整个过程也就不过一分钟左右。与此同时一位西方女人驾车经过,她非常不友好的大按喇叭。我知道她的意图不是让那位绅士让路,因为在那个星期天的傍晚,那个郊区的路上几乎看不见一辆车。她完全可以毫不受阻的通过!她只是不乐意看见一位西方男士想帮助两个亚洲女士。
所以我个人的观点是确实有一部分西方女人讨厌中国女人。但是原因何在?退一步,就算她们说的是对的,我们“抢”了她们的男人,但是我认为也只有一小部分的西方男人真正喜欢中国女人,所以所谓的“威胁论”似乎不太能对社会有太大的冲击。这有些象曾经针对外来移民抢了本地人饭碗的争论,因为外来移民或者有对口的技能或者愿意做同样的工作但挣较低的薪水。但是这个论点的前提是总的工作需求量恒定不变,所以不总是不合理的。我想问CLM男性会员的一个关键问题是:如果没有能找到合适的中国女士做伴侣,您是否会再回首选折一位西方女士为终身伴侣呢?谈到这,我不得不提到另一个相关的现象:你可以看见很多西方男士和中国女士相爱,但却较少看见西方女士和中国男士相恋。我不清楚其真正的原因。难道仅仅是他们不觉得对方有吸引力?或者有其他更深层的原因?最近一位朋友曾提及这也许和中国男士普遍比较矮小的身材有关,尤其是他以一个荷兰人的标准来衡量。这个局限了中国男人的选折。虽然他的观点有道理,但这是建立在平均值上的。他也承认自己的“良好感觉”时不时会被遇见比他更高大的中国男人所击碎!我们知道,从平均值的角度来考虑,一个人会被认为很舒适,如果他的一只脚冻在冰窟里,另一只脚煮在开水中!


Juju is originally from China but has been living overseas for the past 14 years. She is currently living in Australia doing medical/health research.



From: Original         Author: Juju         Time: 1/4/2014 3:37:41 PM

 
Comments
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#2014-01-04 15:48:00 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot
Reply My Chinese wife, who became an Australian citizen after studying there on a student visa recounts several occasions when Australian women have acted rudely towards her for no apparent reason. One example that I recall is when she was sitting having coffee with a white male and a white woman walked up to her and told her to "go back home and stay there". The woman quickly walked away before she could even respond.

She does say that she had lots of white women who were friends or friendly acquaintances, and she feels that the women who feel animosity towards Asian or Chinese women is a minority, albeit a fairly large one.
#2014-01-04 18:30:00 by melcyan @melcyan
Reply When I read this article and John's comment I just had to get my Chinese partner who is also an Australian citizen to read this for herself. She has been in Australia for 23 years and has never had any of the negative experiences described here with a western woman. We have in fact experienced the opposite. We have had many western women admire our loving relationship and wish us all the best for the future. No matter what gender or race there will always be always be some people who are just plain offensive but from our experience we think the answer to the question "Are Chinese women disliked or hated by western women?" is no.
#2014-01-04 23:52:00 by happiness910 @happiness910
Reply @John Abbott Just wanted to make a brief comment about this wonderful website CLM since it appears from John's comment he is a fellow Aussie like me. I have met a wonderful girl from Wuhan on this site and we have both been working on getting her to Perth, Australia where we hope our relationship will flourish and continue, not without some difficulty of course provided by Australian immigration and foreign affairs.
I often tell my lady that Australian woman would rather be with their girlfriends and female workmates than with their husbands and they certainly dont seem to want to "accompany" their husbands as the Chinese girls do. This of course is sometimes due to the unsavoury "mateship" attitude that still lingers from the baby boomer era, where Australian men would rather be down the pub than with their wives, not to forget the Ozzie,Ozzie Ozzie "sports" fanatic which I and my lady friend detest alike.
My advice to the fabulous Chinese girls on CLM, is for God'sarce sake watch out for the above mentioned archetypes because from the personal profiles of the Chinese ladies I have seen and read on CLM you only deserve the best and most decent men the Western {and Southern} hemisphere can offer.
#2014-01-05 00:08:00 by panda2009 @panda2009
Reply I also know such things from a Chinese woman's sina blog. She lives in USA, don't want to go to Australia any more. Australia is really a very beautiful country, maybe the Caucasian men, especially those handsome guys are the resourses there also. So more comfortable at home here than in Australia. The motherland prosperous and strong is important for us. I don't think those Caucasian women who dislike Chinese women are all losers, just like not all the Chinese women who marry Caucasian men are winners.
#2014-01-05 04:36:00 by Anonymous73089 @Anonymous73089
@Juju - thank you for this wonderful posting! I have so much to say about it.

I believe the majority of western women despise Chinese women, but they will never show this outwardly. Western women are generally decent towards Chinese women as long as there is no perceived threat to their territory. And by "territory" I mean "western countries".

You see, the western female is very territorial. In her mind, she "owns" the playing field of the western lands. Just like the western woman now dominates in a lot of western businesses (due to the many years of women's liberation), the western woman also dominates the country she lives in. This applies to dating, selection of men for marriage, etc.

Now imagine you are a Chinese woman traveling to a western land. Everything will be fine for you as long as you remain a tourist. Just view the sites and go home. The western woman will not care. However, heaven help you if you fall in love with a wealthy, attractive western man! Then the hatred of all the western women in the land will be upon you.

Because in their minds, "how dare these foreigners steal what is rightfully ours to possess!"

But I have news for all these indignant western women throwing their hissy fits. The world is now globalized and becoming even more so every day. Their totalitarian control over the western man is forever lost. They enjoyed a good many decades ruling over men in any way they pleased. But now the western man is free to choose. He is finally free.
#2014-01-05 11:22:00 by Windee @Windee
Reply I am an older man (60), and have travelled extensively and lived in many places in Australia. As a younger man I lived in a farming community where there was a very small Chinese community in town who owned businesses and were "old Australians" their ancestors having immigrated many years before, possibly from the gold rush of the 1850's. They were accepted in the community by everyone. I am speaking of a country town who were very racist in outlook in that 1950's way. This attitude is still alive and well in some parts of the Australian community. I have seen it recently.
I have lived and worked in the NT and worked with Chinese Australians from Darwin. Likewise when in WA I came across the Chinese community in Broome and other places along the NW Coast of WA. In all these places. Naturally the Chinese in these areas are so well excepted that no one notices there differences in appearance. Likewise in places like Ballarat in Victoria for example. North Queensland too.
Where I live now, the corner store is owned and operated by a Chinese Family who are accepted readily and supported too. They are immigrants though due to their strong accents.
Sadly, there are still pockets of racists in this country and I have met many who are always looking for some one to blame for issues which affect them. If someone appears different or is obviously different they become a target of this sort of behaviour. Fortunately this behaviour is diminishing and Asians generally are accepted in our country.
#2014-01-05 15:55:00 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot
Reply Wow! It seems a little like I accidentally turned this article into an Australian affair by mentioning my Chinese/Aussie wife. Juju surely meant it to be about Western women generally.

@happiness910 - actually I am a Canadian, but my lovely wife is a born and raised Chinese woman who attended university in Australia as a youngish adult and took up her citizenship and lived there for many years. She and I met in China when she was back there for a vacation. Meanwhile, we're happy for you and your new lady and would love to have you write us at service@ChinaLoveMatch.net and give us some of the details of your meeting and your future plans.

@melcyan - I am pretty sure that you're right that the vast majority of Western women do not hate or dislike Chinese or Asian women, and the problem is that like every other social issue, it is the loud, obnoxious and unthinking minority that gets all the attention.

Are there Western women who dislike Chinese and Asian women? I can assure you there are because we hear from them on a fairly regular basis.

Are they the norm? Of course not, most intelligent and open minded Western women don't even think about Chinese or Asian women as being Chinese or Asian. They just think of them as being other women, sisters so to speak.
#2014-01-06 21:47:00 by jujuh @jujuh
Reply @JohnAbbot I've also heard from a formal Singaporean classmate of similar rude comments as that received by your wife.

You certainly got my points. I'm not target this at western women from a specific country, it's only the story I told is in Australia, but I was told about this opinion by people from different countries. Like I said in the article, defintely not all western women are the same as I have many female Caucasian friends, and most of them are lovely, truly intelligent and open-minded.

@Anonymous73089 It's interesting that you think that "majority of western women despise Chinese women", I wonder what makes you believe in this? But I do agree with you point on you attracting the hatred if you fall in love with an attractive western man :-) Whereas @melcyan tend to think this is hardly the case based on his partner's experience. Apparently personal experience dictates our opinions. I tended to think most of them are just indifferent towards Chinese women, however am sure some among this group is genuinely feeling so and some is actually just not revealing their true feelings for one reason or the other.

@Windee I believe, and like to see, what you said is true that this behaviour is diminishing as the world is becoming a global village, like it or not...
#2014-01-13 11:54:00 by Barry1 @Barry1
Reply @jujuh

Thanks for the interesting article, Juju.

With your cognisance, may I share some thoughts about what you and others have written here?

You said,

"Then another car came by, driven by a Caucasian lady, and she was horning loudly. I was pretty sure the reason for her behaviour has nothing to do with her way being blocked............ The only plausible reason I could think of is that she was not happy because a Caucasian man was trying to help some Asian ladies."

With the greatest of respect, I could think of a thousand reasons why this lady was tooting at you, none of which involves bigotry.

For example, maybe she was just in a bad mood that day, ready to lash out at anyone who offered her the slightest excuse? Maybe she was a little drunk? Maybe she was just an inherently rude person who'd do this to anyone at all? Maybe it was the wrong time of the month for her? Maybe she'd just had an argument with her boyfriend? The list just goes on and on.

What "plausible reason" did she give you to indicate her behaviour was caused in any by racism, rather than her simply being in a bad mood?

You also said,

"I think there are some Caucasian women who dislike Chinese women."

The answer to this is - of course. There are a small minority of EVERY race who will always dislike members of any other race. The question here though is are there Caucasian ladies who disproportionately dislike Chinese ladies, more so than ladies from other countries?

The answer here in my view is a resounding NO, at least as far as Australia is concerned. Please read on to discover why I say this.


@JohnAbbot

"she feels that the women who feel animosity towards Asian or Chinese women is a minority, albeit a fairly large one."

Hello John.

I'm sorry to hear that your wife feels there is a "fairly large" minority of Australian ladies who feels "animosity" toward Chinese ladies.

Let me say this, based as an Australian who was either married to or closely associated with a lovely Chinese lady here called Ying, for nine years living in Brisbane.

To make sure of the accuracy of my views here, I phoned Ying and discussed this topic with her, given that what I wanted to say here was entirely accurate.

I asked,

"Ying, over the time we were married and all the other times you've been here, have you ever encountered Aussie ladies ever being rude toward you, based on the fact that you were Chinese?"

Ying replied,

"No - never. The only rude ladies I've ever struck are some low educated people at my work who say some stupid things, but everywhere else, I've never met anyone who disliked me because I was Chinese."

I then asked,

"Well, based over the past nine years, would you say in any way that a fairly large minority of Australian ladies dislike Chinese, in normal day to day living?"

Ying replied,

"No, never. Western ladies here are quite nice to me."

This concurs with my experiences also. I've been out with Ying multiple times in various social situations and NEVER have encountered any rudeness from an Aussie lady, based on race


I have other Chinese lady friends who also have never experienced any racism here at all. Of course, I'm referring to ninety-nine per cent of the population. No matter which country you're in, there will always be the rude one per centers, who by their very nature, would be impolite to anyone and everyone, if in a bad mood. So all my words here are based on the ninety-nine per cent of normal society, not the one per cent of inherently rude people who were just either born or brought up that way.

So I'm at a complete loss, John, why your wife feels there is a "fairly large" minority of Australians who are rude in particular to Chinese or Asian ladies? Most certainly, this has not been my experience, nor that of Ying or any of my other Chinese lady friends living here in Brisbane.

Au contraire, I've found that Chinese ladies are LIKED by Aussie ladies. As stated, in any society, there will always be one per cent of rude people - both male as well as female - but is one per cent considered to be a "fair large minority"?

May I suggest that you and your wife please return to Australia for a visit? Most certainly, I'd like to get this (in my view) misconception well and truly cleared up, one way or the other.

John, you also said,

"Are there Western women who dislike Chinese and Asian women? I can assure you there are because we hear from them on a fairly regular basis."

I sugggest to you that if you replaced the word "Chinese" with just about any other race, the same seNtance would validly apply. For example,

"Are there Western women who dislike Mexican women? I can assure you there are...."
"Are there Western women who dislike South American women? I can assure you there are..."
"Are there Western women who dislike Eskimo women? I can assure you there are..."
"Are there Western women who dislike African women? I can assure you there are...."
"Are there Western women who dislike Russian women? I can assure you there are..."
"Are there Western women who dislike Icelandic women? I can assure you there are.."
""Are there Western women who dislike Caribbean women? I can assure you there are..."

Do you see what I mean?

It doesn't matter if you are black, blue, brindle, Chinese - or non Chinese - there will ALWAYS be some people who will dislike you. The primary question here though is - are Chinese ladies disliked MORE by Western ladies because they are Chinese (or Asian)?

Based on my experience - and that of Ying and her Chinese friends - in Brisbane, Australia at least, the answer is NO.




@melcyan

"When I read this article and John's comment I just had to get my Chinese partner who is also an Australian citizen to read this for herself. She has been in Australia for 23 years and has never had any of the negative experiences described here with a western woman. We have in fact experienced the opposite"

Thank you, Melcyan.

I agree whole heartedly with you.

When I read what John had written above about a "fairly large minority" of "white women" here who disliked Chinese or Asian women, I nearly fell off my chair in disbelief. Hence this detailed response.



@happiness910

"Just wanted to make a brief comment about this wonderful website"

Yes, it is a wonderful website, Happiness910, where a divergence of views and opinions can be freely expressed.

You said also,

"I often tell my lady that Australian woman would rather be with their girlfriends and female workmates than with their husbands and they certainly don't seem to want to "accompany" their husbands as the Chinese girls do. This of course is sometimes due to the unsavoury "mateship" attitude that still lingers...."

Yes mate, this is one reason why so many Australian men are on this website. We've had enough of the arrogant, loud mouthed attitude that many Aussie ladies exhibit. Chinese ladies as a rule are so much more well mannered and faithful than many Western women, in my view.



@panda2009


"I also know such things from a Chinese woman's sina blog. She lives in USA, don't want to go to Australia any more."

Hello Panda.

Did your Chinese lady friend say why she didn't want to return to Australia? This seems to be a vague statement giving no real meat to the bones? No hard facts to support the statement?

Let me say that I'm in a bit of a unique situation here. I lived and worked in Denver Colorado for two years. I resided with a black African American lady who actively disliked her country. When I asked why, she would regale me with stories of terrible racism she - and members of her black family - had personally encountered there, time after time.

So for a USA person to point the finger at Australia, claiming it is racist compared to the USA, is patently incorrect, based on my experience. One only has to look at the terrible history of racist American groups such as the Klu Klux Klan and other multiple white supremicist organisations to see this. Australia has none of these degrading affiliations.



@Anonymous73089

"I believe the majority of western women despise Chinese women...."

"imagine you are a Chinese woman traveling to a western land. Everything will be fine for you as long as you remain a tourist........ heaven help you if you fall in love with a wealthy, attractive western man! Then the hatred of all the western women in the land will be upon you."

These inflammatory statements are so provocative and ridiculous, I won't even comment upon them.



@Windee

"...... the Chinese in these areas are so well accepted that no one notices there differences in appearance............... Where I live now, the corner store is owned and operated by a Chinese Family who are accepted readily and supported too."

I agree with you, Windee. Chinese here in Australia are very well accepted and in fact, liked by Australians. Forgetting of course, about the inevitable one per cent of people who are rude to everyone, depending on their mood. Ninety nine per cent of Aussies are extremely polite and accepting of Chinese, particularly the lovely ladies.


Juju, at the concusion of your article, you said,

"But I do agree with your point on you attracting the hatred if you (ie a Chinese lady) fall in love with an attractive western man...."

Given everything that I've written above, how how you say this? How does this "hatred" manifest itself?

I put it to you that this sweeping generalisation is incorrect, as least as far as Australia's concerned. As a practicsing DJ and Master of Ceremonies who has attended HUNDREDS of wedding receptions - including many Asian brides - I have NEVER seen this "hatred" manifest in any shape or form whatsoever.


Let me apologise for this rather lengthy response to your article, Juju. It was an interesting one. But some of the comments raised both within it - and resultant from it - in my view were so misleading that I felt compelled to answer them in detail.

Let me say again. My statements are based on MY experiences living in a large Australian city (Brisbane).

I wish to assure any Chinese ladies reading this that in my opinion, there is a NEGLIGBLE amount of racism or jealousy here exhibited by Western ladies toward Chinese ladies in Australia.

This means the VAST MAJORITY of ladies here are very accepting indeed of Chinese ladies. Chinese are in fact liked and respected by the vast majority of both men and women here. They're considered to be a hard working, intelligent race of people.

Given the importance of this subject - possibly scaring away some Chinese ladies from wishing to come to Australia - I believe an alternative (and accurate) viewpoint needed to be presented here.
#2014-01-13 17:32:00 by melcyan @melcyan
Reply I am familiar with western women being very uncomfortable with the older man, much younger woman match. My partner and I are similar in age and we have not experienced any problems with western women. Maybe the negativity of western women talked about here is more about age difference or perceived age difference than it is about it being a cross cultural relationship.
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