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China Women VS American Women: 5 Pounds Overweight by Harry Monkey
Consider the differences between a Chinese Wife who is about 5 pounds over her perfect weight and an American Wife in the same circumstances.
 
(Professional disclaimer: The following could apply equally to Canadian, Australian and British women as well as several other nationalities, but theYanks introduced the concept of women’s lib as well as the contradictory notion of unrealistic beauty standards, so they can presumably take the heat.) 
 
Difference #1.  Why is she suddenly 5 pounds over her perfect weight.
 
Chinese Wife:           
 
It’s pretty clear from the confused look on her face that she can’t tell whether to feel completely disgraced or incredibly happy, because either:
 
She’s packed on that extra 5 pounds because since meeting you she’s been chowing down on Big Macks and KFC since, like most Gui Laos, you won’t eat healthy Chinese food, or
 
She's pregnant. 
 
American Wife:
 
The look on her face says it all, she’s dropped 45 pounds and she hasn’t felt this good for years, probably since shortly after marrying you.  How did this happen?  Well either:
 
The $3,000 and 8 months she’s invested in Weight Watchers is finally paying off, or
 
She’s taken to bopping the boss at work everyday for the last 6 months and the exercise has really trimmed her down, or
 
She’s grown tired of being totally ignored by you and is actively searching for your replacement so she’s secretly working out at the gym everyday, or
 
All of the above.
 
Difference #2.  Why you think it has happened:
 
Chinese Wife:
 
She has been following you around the last few weeks chowing down on Big Macks and KFC because like most Gui Laos, you won’t eat healthy Chinese food, or
 
She's pregnant, or
 
You have no thoughts about this because you haven’t noticed her minor weight gain since she still looks so incredibly good compared to your ex American wife who was 50 pounds overweight.
 
American Wife:
 
The $3,000 and 8 months she’s invested in Weight Watchers is finally paying off, and
 
She wants you so she’s working out and has dropped 45 pounds in the hope you will start having sex with her again, or
 
You’re too busy watching the playoffs to have noticed.
 
Difference #3.  How she reacts to this change:
 
Chinese Wife:
 
Due to the tremendous loss of face from being so fat she refuses to be seen in public or to be naked in front of you, and sex is out of the question, and
 
Due to the tremendous loss of face from being so fat she goes on a lengthy tirade about what a bad provider you are, what a poor businessman you are, what a bad dresser you are, and why don’t you have a new car anyway?, or
 
Due to the tremendous gain in face from being pregnant she goes on a lengthy phone calling spree to all 12,498 members of her immediate family to announce the news, which costs you a months salary, and
 
Due to the tremendous gain in face from being pregnant she is horny all the time and you get more action in one week than you’ve had during any previous week of your life.
 
American Wife:
 
Due to the tremendous gain in self-esteem from being so trim and slim she goes on a clothes buying spree that costs you 3 months salary, and
 
Due to the tremendous gain in self-esteem from being so trim and slim she starts going out every night to nightclubs and bars in order to find your (and the boss’s) replacement, and
 
Due to the tremendous gain in self-esteem from being so trim and slim she is horny all the time and her boss gets more action in one week than he’s had during any previous week of his life, and the new guy she met Saturday night is pretty happy too, and
 
Due to the tremendous gain in self-esteem from being so trim and slim she retains a prominent divorce attorney in order to shed some more unwanted extra weight (you)!
 
Difference #4.  How you react to her reaction:
 
Chinese Wife:
 
You take her shopping and buy her some nice gifts, and
 
You apologize sincerely for all your faults (except for not having a car because no one in their right mind would drive in China anyway) and soon you are having great make-up sex, or
 
Due to the tremendous gain in face from your wife being pregnant you brag to all your Gui Lao friends about your manhood, happy in the knowledge that you have 12,498 ready made babysitters on hand to free up your evenings for many years to come, and
 
Due to the tremendous gain in face from having sex so often in one week you brag to all your (increasingly bored) Gui Lao friends about your manhood and buy your wife more gifts.
 
American Wife:
 
You buy yourself that new widescreen HDTV you’ve been craving with the money you were saving for her birthday present, and
 
You take advantage of your welcome free evenings alone by joining ChinaLoveMatch.net and spending some real quality time meeting and chatting with  exciting and beautiful Chinese women, and
 
You have better sex alone fantasizing about your new Chinese “friends” than you ever had with her, and
 
Upon receipt of notice of the divorce proceedings, after considering the cost of hiring your own attorney, you opt instead to book a one way flight to China to visit your new found Chinese female friends in person.
 
Difference #5.  How it ends up:
 
Chinese Wife:
 
She stops following you to MacDonalds and KFC, drops the 5 pounds in a week, and life goes on as happily as before, or
 
She has a beautiful mixed baby, everyone raves about how special he/she is, and due to the tremendous gain in face for both of you life goes on even more happily than before.
 
American Wife:
 
She becomes very angry to discover that divorcing you was not received by you as a punishment but as a welcome gift, and
 
She tells everyone what a bad man you are and what bad women Chinese girls are, and
 
She gets dumped by the new boyfriend when he sees how happy you are and joins ChinaLoveMatch.net himself, so
 
She marries her boss to spite you and quickly regains the extra 50 pounds she was carrying during your marriage to her, and
 
You settle in with your new Chinese wife (either in America or in China) and suddenly life is good!
 
Your Ex Waiting To Welcome Home Her New Hubby
 
 



From: Original         Author: Harry Monkey         Time: 3/15/2012 9:44:23 PM

 
Comments
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#2012-03-13 10:38:00 by Anonymous128231 @Anonymous128231
It's all so true. And yet I can laugh even though the divorce is costing me over half a million US$. Why does it cost so much to divorce an American wife. Because it's worth it!
#2012-03-15 21:51:00 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot
Reply Hey Anonymous - great line. Thanks for commenting on this article because it forced me to go back and look at it and to discover it was formatted incorrectly, so finally it is set up right.

Also because you drew my attention to this article which I'd forgotten about but which is pretty funny and (some would say) pretty accurate. I enjoyed reading it again.

BTW, I've been through that $500K divorce myself and you have my sympathy, as well as my congratulations. Cheers!
#2012-03-26 04:03:00 by raybaby40 @raybaby40
Reply I have been reviewing the lovely women on this site for months even though my divorce is not yet final. (I don't feel that it would be ethical to actually contact any of the women until after the divorce is final but I want to familiarize myself with the system before acting.) I certainly will not ever again marry an American woman. The only qualm I have about Chinese women is that I don't trust the Chinese government to maintain law and order in the face of the social unrest that will result from the new economic order, and I am not familiar with the marriage laws in China, and I worry that a chinese bride might be unhappy leaving her homeland.
#2012-03-27 21:48:00 by JohnAbbot @JohnAbbot
Reply to @raybaby40 - in response to your concerns, I'd say the following:

1. Whether your law and order concerns are valid is an open question, but frankly, I'd say the chances are better of a peaceful but effective government response in China than in either Europe or America, judging by recent events. Personally I'm not sure where a person can be sure he's safe.

2. Marriage laws in China are in a state of flux, but generally I'd say they are much less overloaded in favour of the woman. From what I've seen so far there is much to be done yet, but they seem to be approaching something that is fair to both sides.

3. Most of the Chinese ladies would be willing to move to a Western country, some would prefer to move to a Western country and some are unwilling to leave China. It's obviously an individual choice but I don't think any Chinese woman will keep it a secret.

I would just add that I greatly respect your decision to wait until your divorce is through before trying to establish a relationship. I think that is both very respectful and wise. A marriage is not over until the divorce has been granted, and sometimes even then the parties get back together. My own parents are an example. Divorced when I was 12, remarried when I was 18.
#2013-01-29 19:59:00 by zhangxiujin @zhangxiujin
Reply such a lovely writing, I laughed a lot. I am afraid your American women will come in groups to China and kill all Chinese women if they read this.
#2013-11-20 01:03:00 by bethere4u @bethere4u
Reply I am just learning at this point. I cannot disagree with any of the points that you have made. I look forward to learning all of the nuances of dating and marrying a chinese woman.
#2014-02-06 11:14:00 by yeranyi @yeranyi
Reply 太有才了,谁说老美思维简单。这么好的文章 这种写法,真是很有意思,有着西方的幽默,讽刺,还有对比,两条线索同事铺开等等写法,趣味盎然,也意味深长。

重点是,第一楼的回帖,我都笑喷了
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