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Impressions by JulesE

I went to sleep that first night after meeting Teacher with feelings that were new to me. I am cautious of using the word love so I could not accept that conclusion. Besides I thought I had been in love before and this was different. I was tired and it was late as introspection faded and sleep overtook me. I was still not completely recovered from the flight and I woke several times during the night. She was always on my mind. It seemed I could not think of anything that was unrelated to her and to me being involved with her. Each time questions turned into confusion and then into sleep. It was not a good nights’ rest and I woke too early. It was barely light outside and I had no plans and nothing to do except to wait for her call. I felt helpless.

I decided to get up and walk around the neighborhood. Maybe I would get tired and want to sleep some more. I found myself wandering around not knowing where to go or what to do. I rarely eat breakfast so there was no desire to choose a restaurant. I just made sure I did not wander too far from the landmarks I had hopefully encoded. Even through the newness of being in a strange city in a strange country, she would not leave my mind. Not even the beautiful women that passed me on the streets could budge her image. I decided to go back to my room and try to rest, maybe that was all that was needed. Maybe it was a cognitive deficit due to jet lag. I was sure I was still sane. 

Around 09:00 AM I couldn’t stand it any longer, I decided to call her rather than wait for her call as we had agreed. I realized the risk of not achieving any form of effective communication, but I had to do something. At least I would be talking instead of just thinking. She answered her phone after only a few seconds of music. It seems like it is rare to hear a phone ring now that you have so many choices of avoiding the “old ways.” Her voice paralyzed my vocal cords. I was unable to talk so I coughed. She laughed and I laughed and we said hello. After about fifteen minutes we were able to conclude that she would not be able to come by my room until early afternoon. I was disappointed, but didn’t show it, I think. 

When she arrived at my door I wanted to kiss her so bad that I thought my lips were puckered. I was able to get a very small hug. No firm pressing of flesh, just a hint of a hug. She sat down, after briefly freshening up in the bathroom and we began our communication dance. As before, the translators were invaluable. She began to lay out the day for me. She asked if I had eaten was and was concerned that I had not. She insisted that we go and eat lunch before we do anything else. I agreed and informed her that I would do anything she asked as long as she didn’t hurt me. The sexual undertones were apparent, to me at least. I don’t know what she was thinking. I never knew what she was thinking. I was having trouble trying to understand what I was thinking. I never achieved any noticeable progress in that area.

The weather in southern China is very hot and very humid. I live in the southern US and hate the heat. I have never gotten used to it. It seemed to be no problem for her to walk in it and not show any signs of distress. After walking for at least twenty minutes, she picked a restaurant that did not have air conditioning. My shirt was almost completely soaked and beads of sweat hung from my nose as I thanked her for choosing a place to eat. I was happy to just stop walking. We had held hands throughout the trip and I realized that this was not going to be a problem. She really liked holding hands. We were seated and the waitress immediately noticed how soaked I was and sort of smiled as she directed the flow of air from an electric fan in our direction. I wanted to get up and give her money. We continued our conversation with the help of our translators. I don’t know what we talked about. I could not focus on anything but her. I was communicating with feelings. I don’t know if she was receiving the communication, but, I was definitely sending it. After our meal I begged that we go back to the hotel to the air conditioning. She agreed.

Once back in the comfort of my room and the little sofa, we slowly began to relax. I asked her if I could kiss her and she said it was too soon. She did agree to sit closer to me and this was satisfying. I began to realize that I must be thankful with what I get. She eventually came to rest just under my left arm. I was happy. I wanted to stay that way until she insisted on leaving for another trip into the furnace. We stayed in the room and slowly I began to feel her projecting vibes. I was able to run my fingers through her beautiful hair. I could not believe how this affected me. I felt like a school boy. I knew this was special. This woman was producing feelings in me that I could not understand. It was not infatuation, I had intellectualized too much for it to be that simple. How could it be love, I didn’t believe in that happening so quickly. It had to be something else or some combination of things that I just could not put a label on, at least not yet. I kept thinking to myself; “If she would just let me kiss her, I would be relieved of these thoughts and confusion.” I settled for her being nestled close to me as the dinner hour approached.

From: Original         Author: JulesE         Time: 7/24/2009 2:57:00 PM

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