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Improve Your Online Dating Profile To Improve Your Online Social Life by John Abbot

An online dating profile should give you a peek inside the person in the profile, a real sense of who they are, before you take any action. The same goes for your own internet dating profile. The viewer can already see your photo so they know what you look like, and from your checked off details they know how old you are, what your profession is, what your hobbies and interests are, where you live, and other details. But only from your written profile can they get an inkling about the real you, the person inside.

When online dating you can either be proactive, scouring other people's profiles, and then contacting the people who meet your fancy or simply put your profile out there and wait for them to contact you. Either way, online dating profiles make it easier to find someone who is right for you, and either way having a well written profile makes a huge difference to how many people will be interested in you. Remember that the first thing your dating website co-member does, after receiving your introductory kiss or message, is go look at your profile. So whether you're waiting for her to find you or you proactively contacted her, your profile is going to determine whether she wants to meet you or not.
Here are some tips to help you build a better online dating profile that will help you attract as many dating partners as possible.
1. Always be positive in your profile. Don’t complain about your job, your flamed out last relationship, your mother or your dog. If you're positive, you attract people like a magnet. Remember, you aren't meeting other people with your profile, you're inviting them to meet you. You aren't trying to meet some whiny, negative woman, so why would you think that's who she wants to meet.
Many people actually refer to their timidity about using online dating services in a negative fashion. They say “I'm not sure about doing this (or being here), but...”. Your potential online dates are looking for a positive experience, and they're probably a little shy or leery too, so this is not going to boost their desire to meet you. Why not say something like "I'm new to this online dating stuff, but it seems like a great way to meet new and interesting people." After all, she's reading your profile and you just made her feel like maybe she's a "new and interesting" person.
2. Keep it short. Nobody wants to your autobiography the second they land on your profile. When you meet a girl at a party do you immediately start telling her about how your Mother raised you? If you do, you’re probably quite accustomed to having people doze off right before your eyes. Your profile should be short, sharp and intriguing.
Just as when you're talking, try to keep your comments about yourself short, sweet and meaningful. Photo courtesy of
This is even more important when you’re seeking someone from another culture, and especially someone who speaks a different language. No Chinese woman is going to pull out her dictionary and spend the hours required to wade through your 3 page essay. She’ll flip to the next guy in a heartbeat, and swoon over his brilliant 200 word profile that is just enough to make her wish it was longer.
3.  Be personal and unique. Write it as if it is directed at one person, and each person who views it will read it that way. Too many people say they want “long walks on the beach at sunset” or "they like pets" or blah, blah, blah... Make yourself stand out, and at the same time reveal something about yourself that really shows who you are. Instead of writing "I like dogs", write "My best friend Ralph, a beautiful Golden Retriever, loves to go for walks on the beach with me. We're both just missing that one special companion - you" You just painted a beautiful picture for her, told her you like beaches, told her you love and have a great pet, that you're a one woman guy, and that you're looking for a special long term relationship with a special person. And you made her feel like she already knows you a little on a personal level.
For instance, tell a woman that you would like to romance her by "taking her to for a nice dinner in a cozy restaurant overlooking a beautiful secluded beach, later strolling along the water's edge while sharing a nice bottle of wine and getting to know each other". Every woman who reads your profile will picture herself with you, and it's a nice picture. It’s almost irresistible. But you paint the picture and make it truly reflect who you are. Don't just cut and paste what I wrote here.
One way to achieve this if you struggle with writing is to use the word “because.” For instance, instead of saying you like country music in your online dating profile, tell people you like the music “because it speaks to the small town boy that I am.” Go through your profile sentence by sentence and see how you can make yourself unique.
Again don’t forget that you need to address cultural differences if you’re after an Asian woman – tell it in a way that anyone, anywhere, can understand and appreciate.
4. Don’t be generic. Everyone thinks they are honest, creative and spontaneous. Give examples of how you live these values in real life. Tell stories. Be specific. Not "I am a good cook." Instead write "I just finished eating a fantastic Kung Pao Chicken that I prepared myself. I wish I could have shared it with you!" In one short paragraph you’ve told her you like Chinese food and can cook it yourself, you are romantic and you wish she was with you. How could any Chinese girl resist you?
5. If you're looking for a long term relationship, don’t fill your profile with sexual innuendos. Save those for dating websites that are about cybersex and one night stands. People who are looking for long term relationships are turned off by these comments. 
This is especially true in certain cultures. Chinese ladies and most other Asian ladies are happy to engage in sex, but they don’t like to talk about it except with people they are already intimate with. Later, when she’s decided she wants you for her partner you can start to sneak the sex talk into your chats and messages to warm her up even more. At that time she’ll be turned on by it instead of turned off. 
6. You should also use your online dating profile to avoid being contacted by people you're not interested in. Be specific about what you want. Clearly specify the age range, education level, employment status, looks, and temperament of your potential partner. Be descriptive. Spend at least one third of the profile specifying and describing who you are looking for. If all you are interested in is a woman from China, say so. There’s no sense getting endless letters from people you don’t wish to meet from the beginning.
7. Change your online dating profiles sometimes. Add photos and new details of your life. Maybe adding some new experience you just had, or a new job, etc. This will push people who were on the edge of responding to you, or contacting you, out over the edge to actually do so. It will also bring people to your profile who might otherwise have missed you.
8. Think about the short introduction you would make if you were meeting someone at a singles bar. Your "opening line". While in a bar it is spontaneous and easily botched, with online dating services, you do have the time to think about it and make it exceptional. That’s how you can make the best of your online dating profile, by taking the time to think about it and make it stand out.
"New At This, Be Kind To Me." isn't going to cut it, you whiny, negative loser (see point #1 above). "My love is the brightest star in your night sky. Follow it to me." tells her she's already looking for you, now she just has to follow your lead to find her happiness.
9. Paint a word picture - as mentioned above, write something that makes her put herself in the picture with you. She won't be able to join you in reality fast enough once she's seen it in her mind.
BTW, if you're just sitting around and waiting for her to find you, you are missing out on all the fun of online dating and also dramatically reducing your chances of finding that perfect Chinese woman, Asian woman or whatever other ethnic background that appeals to you. I highly recommend being proactive, it is just so much more fun to be the hunter than the hunted, and much more likely to lead to success. That's why I'll soon be posting another article about writing a great first contact message.

From: Original         Author: John Abbot         Time: 3/5/2010 4:30:17 PM

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