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She Just Wants My Passport by John Abbot

A constant concern of Westerners (especially Western women) is that Chinese women are really interested in Western men for only one reason, to get a passport from a Western country.  Don’t kid yourself, the Western gal will warn you, a Chinese woman will just marry you, move back to your home country, get a passport, then dump you and live the good life.  Why else, she will say, would a cute Chinese woman be interested in someone like you?



 “Bar Girl”
by popular Shanghai artist

Never mind that the latter question clarifies quite clearly why Western men are getting more than a little put off by Western women (they think they’re too good for us), it also represents a false generalization of what is really the draw to us for Chinese women, suspiciously a falsehood that conveniently supports the Western woman’s quest to eliminate a source of competition that clearly has her outclassed  (See “Is This Why The Laowai Like Foreign Women?” printed elsewhere in this eMagazine).

The reality is that Chinese women are for the most part poorer than Western men and do not enjoy nearly the freedoms enjoyed by citizens of many Western countries (although both these situations are changing rapidly), so of course they are interested in a man who can provide a better lifestyle.  But why shouldn’t they be?  Most of us have a list of several to many qualities that we are seeking in a life-mate, and so do most Chinese women.

If your passport (or wealth) is the only item on the Chinese woman’s list of desirable qualities, then indeed that is a dangerous thing, and one to be avoided.  However, the same must be said of Western women as well.  How often is the primary question asked of you during that first meeting “What do you do?”, and how long does that meeting last after you answer “I drive a bus. (or teach, or work in a factory, etc.)”?  I daresay the percentage of Western women who are “not interested” in a man unless he is wealthy is higher than the percentage of Chinese women, or at least, what is “wealthy” to a Chinese woman is achievable by most of us, while what is “wealthy” to a Western woman generally rules out everyone who drives less than a “Benz” (to an average Chinese woman a Taurus is a luxury vehicle).

Some other qualities that a Chinese woman will have on her list of desirables that a Western woman takes as her given right are:

1.  We treat her with respect.
2.  We care about her feelings.
3.  We are polite to her.
4.  We don’t make her carry heavy objects while we are empty handed.
5.  We don’t expect her to walk 8 feet behind us.
6.  We are not ashamed to hold hands with her.
7.  We like to have fun and welcome her to have fun too.
8.  We actually want to take care of her.
9.  We actually want her to want us to take care of her.
10. We will not have 3 girlfriends on the side.
11. We actually care if she has a climax or not.

There are hundreds more that are all possible qualities she is looking for.  If the fact that you are a capable provider and can introduce greater freedoms to her life is on her list, so what?  If that Western woman didn’t already have the same passport as you, do you think it wouldn’t be on her list?  Isn’t physical beauty one of the things on your list, you cad! 

It’s the whole list combined that matters, and for most Chinese women that list is much easier for a Western man to fulfill than is the list of most Western women (unless you happen to be Brad Pitt), while at the same time most Chinese women are far more desirable as life-mates than are most Western women (unless you are particularly attracted to obesity, selfishness and arrogance).  So of course, enter your relationship with a Chinese woman with some caution, and feel your way through it with a little bit of  guardedness, but no more so than with any other woman from any other culture.  There are a whole number of other cross cultural misunderstandings that are more likely to blindside you than the simple and natural fact that your lifestyle appeals to your Chinese mate.

From: Original         Author: John Abbot         Time: 11/4/2012 2:03:38 PM

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#2013-01-12 12:48:00 by Piprm @Piprm
Reply Amen to that - Brother!
#2013-06-30 07:53:00 by hughie @hughie
Reply trust me we did not meet. If you miss one e-mail, your butt is out the window. Lucky escape hugh.
#2013-07-11 00:19:00 by lawrence01 @lawrence01
Reply Spoken like a prophet~
#2013-11-29 02:48:00 by cmatrix4761 @cmatrix4761
Reply This is a tender but important subject. Personally, when looking for a Chinese mate, I've made it a point to assume a visa or passport is always at the top of their list. And I consider nothing to be wrong with that.
China is a beautiful country where I'd like to be able to settle one day, myself. You can't get a "living" visa to China at all - you have to be married (or closely related) to a native or get a special government exception (which is occasionally granted for highly skilled workers). If I do find love with a native Chinese woman, you bet I'd ask her to help me with the red tape.
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