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Modern Chinese Women Using Heart and Smarts by Achelle Vinzon
There were over 1.2 million Chinese couples who got married in China in 2009; during the same year, more than 1.96 million couples got divorced (Source).  Not only are divorce rates continuing to increase steadily in the Middle Kingdom, where having a harmonious family has always been paramount; divorces are actually outnumbering marriages.  Unlike in the west, however, where high divorce rates reflect a society’s lack of a strong foundation on values, the same trend in China actually reflect the strong principles of countless Chinese women who want better marriage quality in order to uphold the traditional family values of their society.

According to the results of a 2012 national survey of married and single people, titled 2012 Chinese People's Love and Marriage Happiness, jointly conducted by Xiao Kang magazine and the Tsinghua University Media Research Laboratory:
·        The top ten factors crucial to marital happiness are: mutual affection, ability and willingness to communicate, mutual fidelity, children, income, sex life, relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, other in-law relationships, housing and housework allocation;
·        According to 61.5 percent of survey participants, 'mutual affection' is the most important factor for marital happiness, 24.3 percent more than those who chose 'income;’
·        One of the top reasons for marital unhappiness among couples who have been married between 7 and 10 years is lack of communication;
·        The top reason for divorce was infidelity, which scored 17.5 percent points higher than domestic violence;
·        When choosing data, 60 percent of the 250 single respondents said that integrity was the most important thing they consider, followed by personality, feelings about him/her, filial piety, similar values, appearance, talent, economic conditions, families' opinions, and career. (Source)

Statistics have also shown that majority of divorces in China were initiated by the women.  Clearly, more and more Chinese wives are no longer willing to tolerate extra-marital affairs. 

As reflected by the survey results and the current attitudes of Chinese women toward dating and finding a mate, having mutual affection, effective communication, and an honorable character are more important than income, career, and family pressure. In fact, a high number of modern Chinese women are choosing to take their time to choose an ideal life mate, rather than give in to pressure and rush into marriage with the next “suitable” man, or a man with a good income and a house. 

While most modern women of China still put considerable importance on a man’s ability to provide a good future for his family, many of these women are also more than willing to do their share in ensuring a comfortable family life.  A lot of them do not even mind working alongside their partner and sharing the responsibility of buying a house. 

These Chinese women are ready to “negotiate” the traditional standards set by their culture for mate selection in favor of other factors that they consider more valuable to have in a relationship.  When it comes to having a marriage of good quality, they are unwilling to compromise. 

When it comes to heart vs brain, heart usually wins.By waiting for the right man and wanting to marry for the right reasons in order to have the right relationship, most modern Chinese women have found the balance between using their hearts and their smarts when it comes to finding a life partner. 

Despite what the high divorce rates in China may suggest, Chinese women want a marriage that will last for the rest of their lives, and they know that such a marriage is only possible if it is entered into at the right time, with the right person, and for the right reasons.  In fact, the divorce trend in China, while it may seem sad and alarming, does not just reflect the women of China having self-respect; it also serves the purpose of proving to these modern ladies of China that they have the proper mindset and that they are on the right track.    

From: Original         Author: Achelle Vinzon         Time: 6/30/2013 4:16:54 PM

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