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Never Marry A Chinese Woman by John Abbot

“Never marry a Chinese woman. They’re steel rods swathed in flowers.” is a quotation from well known Australian born Hong Kong Journalist Richard Hughes, who was happily married for many years, til death did them part, to a Chinese wife. 

Perhaps no truer words were ever spoken, at least about some Chinese women.  In fact, to my mind, Chinese ladies seem to come in two basic varieties.  Either they are very strong willed or extremely docile.  Since I’ve never had any desire for a docile woman, I am discussing here that other type – “the steel rod swathed in flowers”.  This woman will care for you, cook for you, keep a great home for you and shower you with love and affection, and she will smote your enemies with the strength of God – so long as you don’t cross her. But when you cross her, you immediately become your own worst enemy, and brother, then she will smote you.

The big problem is that you don’t necessarily know what will be seen as having crossed her.  In your innocent Western thinking you naively believe that so long as you are faithful and true, so long as you bring home the bacon, so long as you are polite and courteous and so long as you refrain from anything drastic like not coming home for two nights, or physically striking her, you should be pretty safe.  Well surprise!!!

You cross your Chinese Lady when you cause her to lose face, and there are roughly a million ways to cause her to lose face, each one of which you must learn by trial and error.  I've learned a few, but it does little good to list them for you, because “a little knowledge is a bad thing”.  It will just make you comfortable when you should least be comfortable.  But I will give you an example of how I caused my Chinese wife to lose face. 

We owned a small bar in China at the time which we took turns managing, and which we kept open as long as there was a paying customer to serve.  One night she went home at 1 AM but I hung in there with some friends of mine (because they were spending a great deal of money) until about 4 AM, then headed home when they did. We had both done this many times in the past, and she knew exactly where I was and who I was with, so I felt quite secure. Wrong!!  

Unbeknownst to me, she and a friend had been talking earlier in the evening, and the friend had indicated that her husband never stayed out past 1 AM.  The friend was very proud of that.  So on that particular evening I caused my wife to lose face by not coming home with her at 1 AM.  I'd caused her great shame in the eyes of her friend (how the friend knew I had stayed out late was never explained).  This was no small loss of face, if you can judge by the near bloodletting I suffered for my crime.  And yet, the next time I stayed out late, in the same circumstances except for the intervening friend, all was well.  Go figure!

The good news is that unlike Western Women, who will make you pay for days (or years) for your crimes, Chinese women tend to let you off as soon as you’ve appropriately groveled (this must take place in your home) for an hour or two, you’ve told her you're sorry, and lastly, you’ve bought her a gift (do not forget about the ever important relationship saving gift).  But if you want to get off without dismemberment, don't act as if you don’t understand what you did wrong (even though you inevitably do not understand).  Suck it up, admit your guilt, and promise never to do it again (whatever "it" was), and life will be back to normal in short order.

And the really good news is that this “steel rod swathed in flowers”, when you haven’t just caused her to lose face, is like your own private bodyguard.  Your little Chinese woman will be the greatest ally you could ever hope for.  She will kill for you at the slightest provocation by someone else that may cause you to lose face – unless her Mother is the source of the threat to your dignity, in which case you probably just committed another “face” crime yourself.

There, have you got it all figured out?  No?  Don’t worry, Chinese women can be as frustrating as trying to figure the stock market, but it’s their very unpredictability that is one of their greatest charms.  I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life with anybody else.

From: Original         Author: John Abbot         Time: 12/6/2014 1:52:34 PM

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#2012-01-18 12:27:00 by jericho7 @jericho7
Reply cool
#2012-01-20 11:04:00 by Anonymous134240 @Anonymous134240

I am preparing to go to China. Hopefully to meet someone very special. Great article.

#2012-01-22 22:35:00 by Anonymous131589 @Anonymous131589
I am married to a Chinese women. It can be haven and it can be hell. She can be demanding and sweet all at the same time. But when if she even thinks you are unfaithful or lying to her LOOK OUT !! .If your future Chinese wife has been married before ask her why they divorced and how happy was she during the marriage.She she still may carry the same feeling about her first marriage. Don't be surprise if she is unfaithful to you. It might be that she think that you cheated on her.The problem now is young Chinese are becoming more aggressive and they will dress the part If you been to China you know what I mean.
#2012-02-21 10:16:00 by e3ucxc @e3ucxc
Reply Excellent writing and keen observations, I think I learned some useful lessons here. hehe
#2012-03-28 15:22:00 by luvtasting624 @luvtasting624
Reply lady around you without any purpose is lovely!
#2012-05-21 01:31:00 by lotusmaster @lotusmaster
Reply I've always appreciated crafty women, for me it's the hight of independence. I would never marry any woman but a Chinese woman.
#2012-06-21 02:38:00 by RayD68 @RayD68
Reply I married a chinese lady and I have found your comments interisting and quite true. My wife is firecracker, meaning she is very strong willed. I lover her like crazy. Most of the time I know enough to give way and let her have her way, but when it is important I will stand my groung and she gets flustered and needs her time to come around and see my point. I wrote a book titled "I Married a Chinese Lady". The book is a photo journal of my trips to China and a guide book for those intrested in finding and marring a Chinese lady. I cover expences, all the paper work need to get visas, and the traditions of entering into a Chinese family. We have a 2 year old boy now and I believe if your serious about a real devoted wife you can find one in China weather she is a firecracker or not. My life is so increadable now I can hardly believe it.
#2013-01-12 11:51:00 by adam80 @adam80
Reply @RayD68
It's a very typical problem, especially because we men where taught, that "men and women are equal", but it's a lie.

The truth is, that most of the women are "selfish little kids" or "little princesses" up in their heads, and we men have treat them that way, just like you would teach your kinds to behave.

Do you understand what I mean???
#2013-01-19 05:13:00 by hawaiian @hawaiian
Reply @RayD68
Love to read your read.

Honolulu, Hawaii
#2013-03-17 23:16:00 by scubaguy14 @scubaguy14
Reply Same goes for Malaysians.. My wife was way way above my league and through her, for several years I was in the cream of Malaysian society. I associated with several princes, on a personal level with the reigning king, from selangor, and the owner of Suzuki motors. Due to her continual need for control and obsession with her image, from what her company tea lady thought of her to the teenage clerk at Tesco. I threw it all away, to return to Canada and live as a nobody, and I'm much happier being a generic canadian then a canadian trophy husband driving a roller.
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