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Offsite Emailing, Professional Photos and Possible Success by Anonymous Member
The following is a letter from a member which we thought speaks for itself and deserves to be read by the members at large. It raises a few interesting points and provides food for thought. We found it particularly interesting because this fellow has lived in China now for some time. We all have our own thoughts on some of these matters, and these are clearly his. Whether you agree or not it’s always valuable to see issues through another person’s eyes.
The member gave his approval to publish the letter but did ask that his privacy be maintained so we have not included his username.
Member Letter
I have read through your articles about online dating. I have met a few here that immediately want me to email them offsite. What gets me suspicious is when their profile says they have little or no English ability. How can you communicate without some translation? (Author note: BTW, please note that CLM translation works better if you use fewer English connecting words; preschool English seems to translate best and is easier for the lady to understand). When they give me their email right off the bat, I continue to email them here and on two occasions they stopped returning my emails. That is another sign something is not right. So now I ignore them. Also when a woman will not send you any snapshots of herself,that could be a warning that the pictures she posted have been PhotoShopedor manipulatedand she does not look at all like the posted pictures. (CLM note: It could also signify that the photos on her profile are not hers at all.)  
Regarding professional photos: Many Chinese women see nothing wrong in making their pictures look especially good even to the point where they no longer look like they do in real life. Some have actually told me that even their friends said the pictures looked just like them (the face issue again). I dated a woman for a year that did not look like the pictures she posted. Close but not quite the same. She was pretty enough, but it turned out that we had little in common. Men will find women here that are interested in what you are doing because they are genuine and they do like to be part of your life because we are different than Chinese men. But there are others that get extremely jealous of friends that you make. Be prepared because you will find Chinese women that are just like Western women.

I have been communicating with one woman on CLM and we have exceeded120 messages each. She sends me pictures here and to my private email because she can send more than five; all pictures are real and not professional. In fact in one she sent me the other day on the site her mother's foot was in the picture. She was embarrassed I noticed but we had a good laugh about it. She has sent me pictures with family members and pictures of her travels around China; some of the same places I have been since I came here in 2007.
Plus, get this, she emailed me a picture of me from 3 1/2 years ago (go to last line if you want the answer and not the rest of the story).
I am moving to her city for a new teaching job next week so we finally get to meet. She is going to help me find an apartment or I can stay at her elder brother's home while I am looking for my own home and beginning work. That offer got me a bit concerned. Having lived in China for a time, I know things are different here, so I had a friend here call the local Police in her city to check the address, who lives there, etc. They confirmed that she lives with her brother while her new home is being built, her brother owns a major real estate company, and the company I am working for is on their list of apartment references.
So I think I am pretty safe from a scam. She has not mentioned anything about money, other than she has a good job and no kids at home. We have done the webcam chat using the website and she is exactly as she looks.
When the family is satisfied then Chinese women feel they have a green light to do whatever they want to do. Her two sisters-in-law have evidently persuaded her brothers that she is old enough to make up her own mind. That is when I got the invitation. Even though I will be in the same city we will probably still use the site to message each other, even while in the same householdand city. Her English is borderline as is my Mandarin, but this will give me the impetus to learn Mandarin and help her with her English.
I have been in China long enough to know what I want and what I do not want in a woman and I have gotten adept at spotting those that do not fit. Pictures are only part of the story and I really do not trust professional pictures--too many bad experiences with those that post only professional pictures. When you meet you do not recognize them.

Thanks for helping me meet a really genuine lady, again. (Now here’s the story behind the old photograph of myself.) We met online through a mutual friend 3 1/2 years ago, stayed in contact for 6 months and then lost contact. She sent me back one of the pictures I sent her way back then. I was impressed. Anyone that keeps your pictures for 3 1/2 years is worth considering for a life-mate. This time I am going to see her and hopefully make up for lost time -- a wedding may be in the air.

From: Original         Author: Anonymous Member         Time: 3/25/2010 10:12:52 PM

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