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That Fine Line by JulesE

The fine line referred to here is what most men are very much aware of and use.   It is that nebulous zone between lying and simply withholding information. We have all done it, it is a necessity if you are married or in a relationship. We think nothing of it. It is just another tool in our communication ‘toolbox.”   However, in the world of Chinese web dating, it takes on new meaning and importance. It is necessary! Its value lies in its simplicity. “Just don’t say too much.” Sounds easy, but it isn’t. It is really much easier to perform if your target has English as a first language. When it is Chinese the game changes. It becomes more complicated as the translation seems to screw up the finesse of the technique.    Before you know it you have said way too much.

The strategy is to chat with more than one woman, but, to imply that you are a monogamous chatter. This requires the art of redirection. When the woman begins to get close to asking if you are only interested in her, you must move the topic of discussion to something else. The goal is to get the topic into an area of interest that the woman enjoys enough to produce distraction. My method is to use compliments or other forms of flattery. It does not have to be directed at the person you are communicating with, you can use statements that imply to women in general. Maybe things like how wonderful women are, especially Chinese women, and how they are equal to men in every way only different. These are not lies, just clever distractions. This method requires concentration and does not work well if you are chatting with more than one woman at the same time. It is easy to send an answer to a woman who did not ask the question. You have got to focus.
This all seems complicated doesn’t it? It is and it is very risky. The alternative is to just come out and tell the women that you are “shopping around.” This is the most honest thing to do, but also you are looking at significant asset loss. Some of the women will move on as soon as they get a hint of this behavior. How many times have we seen in a profile that game playing is not tolerated?   Being up front and honest is considered game playing by many of the women. We are actually forced to be devious. We would prefer pure honesty, but it doesn’t work! So this is the communication maze I explored before making my trip to China. Because I am writing this from China, my second day here, I cannot tell you how well it has worked. I have actually focused more on one woman. I have just been too chicken to tell the others. I have not actually met the woman that I am interested in, so I am trying to leave some options open. It has not felt real good doing this. I see myself in a whole new light, bordering somewhere in the realm of scum bag.
My mind has been in turmoil as I have tried to justify my behavior. During the flight here I was distracted by the possibility of being quarantined. I sat next to a young Chinese guy who had just finished his master degree in political science and was on his way back home for good. I wondered how he would use his western degree in his home country. He assured me that he had inside information regarding the quarantine. He was told that specific sections of the plane would be targeted by the officials. In reality, no one was selected. Yet this flu scare has brought on a whole wave of over reactions. Many Chinese people were wearing protective masks. I wondered if anyone had thought about how transmission mostly occurs when touching objects that a carrier has touched. Maybe latex gloves will be next.
Once I arrived at my hotel in Beijing the feelings came rushing back to haunt me. How was I to deal with this borderline dishonesty? I was tired and jet lagged and tried to let the dilemma fade, but it wouldn’t. I only spent one day in Beijing before heading to my real destination, Guangzhou. This is the region of China that the women of choice live in. This is where I must make the decision. Will my trip to China be just for fun or will it produce the desired result of meeting my future wife? The closer I get to my meeting with the women, the more confused I become. I am now beginning to question my motives and my new definition of honesty.  

From: Original         Author: JulesE         Time: 3/5/2010 4:12:17 PM

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