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Web Dating Tips (Part 2): Avoid the Pain, Enhance the Gain by John Abbot
Having now probably scared half of you off of web dating with Part 1 of this article, we now wish to provide some useful tips that will ensure that you really have nothing to fear.  Just follow a few pretty simple precautions and you’ll be safe from anything going much wrong. 
Contrary to what most people fear, web dating is actually a great way to protect yourself, if you exercise appropriate precaution.  Why?  Because it gives you a chance to meet hundreds or even thousands of people who want to be your life partner, and weed out all but those who you are seriously interested in before you have to actually meet them and really invest yourself in them.  If you are searching for your true love in person, be it in bars or coffee shops or even in your work place or school, before you know a thing about them you have already been persuaded by the great smile or the unique gesture or the swaying of the hips.  On the internet, you can take some time to explore who they are before succumbing to their wiles. In person you’re hooked before you’re ready, and you’ll forgive faults too easily in order to maintain the image of perfection you’ve created.  On the internet, if you take your time, you may spot that major flaw and you can simply exit the situation, but in person, you will overlook the same flaw because the situation is already too complex to escape.
"Waiting For True Love #2" by talented Shanghai artist Zhou
Pick Your Website
“Free” is a very relative term.  It may be free if it costs you nothing to join, nothing to kiss, nothing to meet, nothing to chat, nothing to play games, nothing to scam, nothing to hunt, nothing to kill.  The point is that the same site that is free for you is also free for the game players, the scammers and the predators of the world. 
No website is “free”.  It can’t exist without either income or donations.  Income is derived from either membership fees, advertising or product sales.  Donations are charitable and hardly apply to a dating website.  “Free” dating websites make their money from advertising.  If they don’t care about your fees, then they don’t care about you.  You are a number, not a person, or more specifically not a “member”.
If you only interested in floating along for the ride, in playing the game, in enjoying the hunt, then you truly belong on and will enjoy a “free” dating website.  And that is where you should be.
On the other hand, if you are truly interested in finding and enjoying a genuine international relationship with a beautiful woman who feels the same way, then choose a website that may not be “free” but that will genuinely respect and care for your interests. You are investing in the single most important component of your life – your wife, your partner, your soulmate, your true love – is it truly appropriate that such an investment be “free”?
Be it or one of the other dating sites who truly cares, choose to invest your time and your money in this venture wisely – pick someone who cares and will watch your back, pick someone who truly guard your interests and your fellow members interests to every extent possible.
Your Life Mate is the single most important investment you will ever make; not your house, not your business, not even your education. Invest Wisely.
Wow, that seemed a little preachy even to us, but important and true.  Now:  
The General Process
Some of what follows may seem repetitive because we have already generalized on some of it in Part 1, but it is worth repeating in detail:
1.  Although for some strange reason this seems to be a disease of Russian matchsites in particular, the quest for money is always on and that includes on Chinese Matchmakers as well.  If a Chinese Woman asks for money before you’ve even had a nice, serious and personal series of messages and chats, and hopefully a phone call or two, then you have to question not only her true intentions but also her scamming abilities.  Most Scammers biggest weakness is their lack of patience.  If she wants $20 on her third message to you, then she is going to want a whole lot more later on.  A genuine Chinese Girl, like all sincere women, will be very reluctant to ask the man she is hoping to develop a long term relationship with to send her money.  If she really cares about what you think of her, she will not ask for money before it is appropriate.  NOTE: this does not apply to gifts – they are a sign of affection and caring.  It is not out of the question that she will know you do not understand that, and yet at the same time she is under intense pressure from family and friends to explain why she is even considering a Gui Lao (foreign devil) as a Life Mate, so she may hint that a gift would be a good thing.  Just don’t equate gifts with cash, a request for a gift is not as suspicious as a plea for cash.  
2.  Keep your contacts onsite until you are very comfortable that her interest is genuine. Why give her your personal information before you are comfortable?  If she is genuine she should understand this and be less than anxious to give you her personal info as well. You’ve both gone to all the trouble of joining, and probably one of you has paid for an upgrade, so what is the rush to go private.  It isn’t important to us, we’ve already signed you up as members and accepted your payment if you’ve upgraded, so believe us when we say it is in your best interest to stay onsite for communication for a while, because if she’s not genuine she may give up on you, or we may see signs from complaints from other members, etc.
3.  Take your time meeting a few good Chinese Women on the web: start with many, narrow it to 3 or 4, then slowly narrow it to 1 or 2.  Let her do the same.  Don’t waste your time on jealousy over the fact that she has met several men, and try to avoid her being jealous.  You really can’t be sure you love someone until you meet them in person, as much as it seems they are perfect for you from the captivating communications you share, keep it a little bit light until you meet.  Meanwhile, enjoy the chat and the flirting with several and let her do the same. 
4.  After you’ve narrowed it down to the few or the one, arrange that personal meeting.  You’re planning a life long international relationship with a beautiful Chinese woman, so now is the time to invest.  Take a trip to China (or Vietnam or wherever she is).  First, you are likely going to have to finance this arrangement, because she is very unlikely able to afford it, so you might as well get to see China out of the deal.  It would likely cost more to have her come to you.  That way, even if it doesn’t work out with her, you will get to see China and discover if you like it or not, if the culture and people appeal to you or not, if a Chinese Woman is for you or not (maybe not her, but definitely someone else).
5.  While you are going to meet her in her country, do not meet her on her turf.  Meet her someplace public and safe. Of course we know that she is not going to abduct you and ransom you off to your poor unsuspecting family, but as your Chinese Matchmaker we’d rather not take any risks.  We don’t want you to be that 1 in a million while you’re on our watch.  So you choose and book your own hotel, and then met her in the lobby.  Then spend an entirely unplanned day together, or at least as much time as it takes to feel completely comfortable that she is genuine.  It goes without saying that you shouldn’t let her know that you are taking such precautions, as that is not likely a “relationship builder”.
6.  Once you are satisfied that this lovely Chinese Lady is sincere and true, which is already about 99% likely as opposed to the 50/50 chance you stand in any bar in the world, then spend the rest of your trip enjoying intimate moments (or days), meeting family and friends and absorbing Chinese Culture.  If you are satisfied that this is the person, these are the people, and this is the culture that you are ready to commit to, then our job is done – you are safely on your way to making your dreams a reality.
Now for some specifics:
The Details:
If you thought the above was boring you are going to definitely nap through this, but try not to.  This is info you’ll find on almost any responsible and mature dating website that cares about you, so if it isn’t there, ask some questions before you continue with them. It’s basic, but important.
1.  Adopt and practice common sense.  It applies to web dating like anything else.
2.  Protect your privacy.  Don’t give out your name, your phone number, your email address, home address or workplace, or any other personally identifying information until you are completely comfortable with your new friend.  In developing that comfort ask all the questions that leap to mind, consider the answers carefully, then trust your gut feelings and instincts as filtered through your common sense to make careful and positive choices.  Don’t give out your personal info until you know it is safe and appropriate.
3.   Take your time and allow her to take her time as well.  Use web dating for its real advantages.  Instead of rushing into several disappointing meetings, slowly narrow everything down until you have 1 or 2 meetings that are almost guaranteed to succeed.  Don’t meet until it is guaranteed to be a good meeting.
4.  She is only a phone call away.  When chat won’t do, hear her out – make the call. A simple telephone call may tell you whether her voice is honest, whether her heart is true, whether her soul is deep.
5.  Meet in a Safe Place.   Meet initially in a safe place filled with people.  Do not place yourself in a position where you are relying on her for transport and don’t head off into the wilderness with her until you know she is for real.
6.  Question early requests for money.  She is not your dependent until you choose to make her so.  For women scammers on the internet, money is the almost exclusive objective.  Beware of early and inappropriate requests for money.  If you suspect a scam, tell us.  We’ll investigate as much as we can, and we’ll provide our findings to you and to other members who may also require protection.  One in a thousand web daters are scammers but one in a hundred are their victims.  On we aim to have no victims.
7.  Danger Signs.  Beware of the following:
(a) Early statements of financial need:  Mom is sick, my computer is dead, etc.
(b) Inappropriate statements of love:  You are my Baby, Husband, Lover etc. within weeks or even days of your first message.
(c) Photos that are too good to be true: has real members who are truly outstanding, and we do not post photos anywhere in our advertising or our eMagazine of women who are not real members and they are not being paid anything, but really, if she is 23 and drop dead beautiful, and you are 73, can she really be interested unless it is in your money?  We aren’t saying you should not test the waters, we are saying you should do that with your eyes open and your wallet closed, at least until you’ve actually met.
(d) Unanswered questions: You’ve asked for information, but she’s not responded.
(e) Strange email addresses:  addresses that seem too businesslike such as or addresses that seem to be too personal such as, etc.
8.  Ask Us.  If you are having doubts, contact us at and explain your concerns.  Without breaching her confidentiality we’ll investigate and do everything possible to protect both you and other potential victim/members.
We hope this has been helpful.  Next issue we’ll look at the fun side of web dating tips, or how to enjoy your quest for your perfect Chinese Woman.

From: Original         Author: John Abbot         Time: 3/5/2010 3:30:11 PM

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#2013-09-25 00:59:00 by wandering @wandering
Reply @JohnAbbott Interesting post and worthwile reading. I did not even nap during the last part!
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