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What Does CLM Mean by Long Term Relationship (LTR)? by John Abbot

First, let me state the obvious.  If you've read any of our ads you've probably noticed that quite a few indicate we are a website for persons seeking "real LTR", and for those of you new to online dating "LTR" is the acronym for "long term relationship(s)". is a website that focuses on LTR. We are not here for short term daters, one night standers, cybersex participants or those just seeking cheap thrills of any kind.  That isn't to say that we don't have the occasional person who joins looking for just those things, but we don't encourage it and we really don't lend ourselves to that type of activity. 

But a reasonable question is "What is a long term relationship?", or perhaps more accurately "What types of relationships are included in the term LTR"?

Let's start by saying that for us, and we believe for almost all online dating websites, LTR means romantic or personal relationships between two people that go beyond "friendship". While a good long term relationship will usually (but not always) include a strong element of friendship, there is an additional component of love or passion, and probably of both.  For us at CLM, a long term relationship is one that includes the component of love. But we acknowledge that for some of our members, a small percentage, it is not necessary that love be involved, but passion is essential. We strongly suspect, given the nature of the human beast, that there are a higher percentage of Western men on CLM who are seeking passion (read "good sex") than Chinese women members. We have not even attempted to track this so your guess is actually as good as ours.

When one American gent of Japanese heritage met and wed his beautiful Chinese bride we were ecstatic. But marriage isn't the only type of LTR you can find on CLM.

We are not here to judge people, and for us it is not crucial that a member be seeking marriage. Obviously marriage is a serious long term relationship, but many people don't seek to formalize their relationships in that fashion and that is entirely their right. However, again without tracking any statistics, we believe that about 90% of our members are seeking either LTR that is formalized by marriage or LTR the same as marriage but without the signed legal document, sometimes referred to and legally recognized after a certain period of time as "common law marriage" or "defacto marriage". In these types of relationships, whether formal marriage or otherwise, the common element is a desire by both parties that they live together in commitment until they are parted by death. Of course that doesn't always happen, but it is the common goal when they join in partnership.

The other 10% would include persons looking for a non-livein but long term relationship, because sometimes people crave companionship with one person but just aren't suited to live together. And it would also include persons already in one long term relationship who wish to have a second long term relationship "on the side". This would commonly be called an "affair", and there are plenty of valid reasons for wishing to be part of one. 

Perhaps their current partner is suffering from some condition that renders them unconscious or physically incapacitated and while the survivor wishes to always be there for his/her partner, he/she also craves and deserves companionship. Perhaps their current partner is totally disinterested in or incapable of sex and has released them to seek sexual release elsewhere, but they want to have one partner who is in similar circumstance for both reasons of safety from disease and not wishing to hurt anyone. Perhaps they live in one country but work in another, spending 4 months at home with their families and 8 months in China on the job. These people (usually men) are looking for a good Chinese woman to give them the love and passion they are missing. And yes there are Chinese ladies in the same boat. There are dozens of other reasons for persons to seek such second relationships and we are not prepared to judge them for their reasons.

However, we aren't interested in having them on CLM unless they are seeking one person for a long term relationship. And we aren't at all interested in having anyone join who isn't being honest about what they are seeking. So when we say we are a website focused on persons seeking “real LTR” we mean persons seeking a relationship that is intended to last for a long time, not a few days or even a few weeks, but at least months and preferably years or for life. And we are definitely not looking for persons who have one agenda such as sexual gratification for a short term but are presenting it as seeking love for a long term. For us "real LTR" means a relationship based on honesty and trust that is intended sincerely by both parties to last for a lengthy period of time, the length of which is clearly understood and agreed to by both of them. We are especially delighted if the members are seeking a lifelong relationship, and we're absolutely giddy with joy for the many members who have succeeded in finding such a relationship on 

From: Original         Author: John Abbot         Time: 3/5/2010 4:28:30 PM

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